


The Final Cut

by ark_harpy



Category: Marble Hornets
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Murder, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Gun Violence, Hallucinations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Original Character(s), Recovery, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21632851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ark_harpy/pseuds/ark_harpy
Summary: It was either Tim or Alex that was going to leave here alive. If one of them did live, they probably weren't going to live for long. Alex already planned on killing himself to stop the ”disease” and Tim knew that him having no one left would get him in the end too.  Alex blamed Tim for this the most, and Tim didn't know if he could blame anyone anymore. Tim wanted to convince Alex that they could get through this together, but he would not listen to his pleas. Alex was caught up in his own ego and self-righteousness, it was like a brick wall to Tim’s words.
Relationships: Alex Kralie/Brian Thomas, Alex Kralie/Timothy "Tim" Wright, Brian Thomas/Timothy "Tim" Wright, Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright
Comments: 12
Kudos: 65





	1. The Gunner’s Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex’s dark eyes widened as he stared down at the battered man that sat in front of him. Alex stared down at his hands, still not uttering a word, his face turning a ghostly white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for:  
> -suicide/suicidal thoughts and ideation  
> -gun violence  
> -knife violence  
> -blood (no gore)  
> -unreality

It was overwhelmingly humid and the dull clouds overhead were condensing and growing darker by the second. Thunder could be made out rumbling in the distance, all of these signs pointing to an incoming storm. It was the afternoon, so the sun was still shining through the broken windows. The dilapidated building sat unassumingly nestled in between the busy college street known as,” Benedict Hall.” The abandoned building had been empty for years, only being used as storage by the school and the place that students came to fuck around and smoke in.

The muted colors of the peeling paint of the walls and the random stacks of desks and chairs gave the place an eerie vibe. An uncanny silence was drafted through the halls, occasionally the scuttling noises of small rodents living in the walls could be heard. Dust coated nearly every flat surface and it made it difficult to breathe. The air felt as if it were full of static, the kind that made the hair on your arms and neck stand on end.

The unnerving silence was interrupted by soft footsteps, the person making them clearly not wanting to be heard. The disheveled looking man was looking around cautiously, his paranoia was rocketing to the max. He was walking a tightrope, knowing full well that he could die here. It didn't matter, it's not like he had a place to return to when he was done here. He could feel it, the static, they were here. 

Tim stepped into a small dip in the ground, hiding among pipes and debris. He placed his camera on one of the pipes and turned it towards himself. He dug a pill bottle from his pocket, shaking a couple of pills into his hand. He swallowed them dry, hoping the meds would curb his crippling anxiety. He wished he had brought cigarettes with him, but at the moment he hadn't even been thinking about them. Instead, he began to chew his fingernails, almost forgetting that the camera was still sitting on the pipe.

He emerged from the space with his camera in hand, the presence of static was getting louder. He turned down another hallway, he was getting more frantic and his breathing was getting heavier. Hopefully, he’d get an advantage to Alex if he tried to hide somewhere so he could try to get an upper hand-

His thoughts were interrupted by an ear-splitting bang, the unmistakable sound of a gunshot. White noise filled his eardrums as he sprinted in the opposite way of the noise, his breathing was rough and his lungs felt like they were on fire. Tim was quickly passing by a staircase when an alarming sound cracked beneath him. Tim yelped involuntarily as the debris beneath him crumbled and he fell into a space on the floor below.

Pain shot up through his back and into his bad leg, particles of dust were making his eyes water. It wasn't an enormous fall, couldn't have been more than two or three feet. However, he had definitely landed on his leg wrong and it had been twisted or worse. He curled into himself, starting to cough and choke as he stared at the hole he had fallen through. The static in the room was increasing and he could taste copper in the back of his throat.

Alex's face appeared as he stood in front of the cavity, peering in at Tim with a cold expression on his face. Tim tried to scramble backward as Alex pointed the gun at him, but The Operator seemed to materialize behind him, static overtaking the room.

They had been teleported to the tunnel in Rosswood, and Tim slipped onto the floor, panting and grasping at his injured leg. It was dark, it had been the day when they were in Benedict Hall, but the Operator had ported then to some realm where it was night. It was pitch black so Tim had to stare into his camera’s night vision in order to see. He struggled to get upwards, groaning in pain as he tried to shove his leg back in place as it was still twisted beneath him. He limped forward, pointing his camera at the end of the tunnel to see if Alex was nearby.

Alex was at the other end of the passage, gun in hand like he was some kind of angel of death. He seemed to notice where Tim was, most likely seeing the blinking red light if his camera and was now speed walking towards him.

”Alex, Alex, no, this isn't going to fix anything!! It's never going to stop!!” Tim shouted at him, starting to walk backward in the other direction. Alex had no reaction to his words at all, pointing the gun at him once again.

”Wait-” Tim pleaded, interrupted by another gunshot, he began to sprint to the other end of the tunnel. He ignored the pain in his leg, knowing if he stopped now, he would be a dead man. Static was growing stronger as Alex continued to fire at him, Tim felt like his eardrums were ruptured. His foot was caught in a rock and he fell over, hard. White noise filled his head as the Operator appeared, teleporting them deeper into Rosswood.

Tim struggles up, feeling that he now had an advantage because he knew these woods well. He could see Alex from between some branches, looking around cautiously with his gun in his hand.

”All of this can stop. Everyone else is gone. You're the only one that's left. All you have to do is give up. Then I can stop this disease from spreading for good.” Alex asserted, there was an almost solemn tone to his voice.

Tim pointed his camera downwards as he reached for the pocket knife and he unsheathed it. He slowly walked in Alex’s direction, hiding behind the brush knowing full well that Alex could not see him. Alex didn't have any kind of night vision, which was a massive mistake on his part.

”You're the one that brought it here. You're the reason it came for us.” Alex affirmed, turning his back to where Tim was hiding. Tim took this opportunity to creep faster towards him, readying his knife which was gripped tightly in his fist.

“If I hadn’t done something, it could have spread to even more people. This can finally be over.” Alex explained, his voice was almost hopeful sounding, but it wasn’t that convincing. Tim took this chance to dash towards Alex’s back, his knife in hand. He plunged the knife into Alex’s shoulder, causing Alex to scream and fire the gun in random directions. Loud ringing filled Tim’s ears as the shots were fired and the distortion of The Operator’s presence filled the room.

Tim’s body fell onto the floor as they have teleported again, the location resembling the shack in Rosswood. His head hit the wall hard, his vision darkening and he could see stars. He heard Alex fall to the floor in front of him, he appeared to be trying to pull the knife out of his skin, and he had dropped the gun in front of them. Tim bolted upwards, scrambling to grab the gun before Alex did. He picked up the gun and pointed at Alex, who had already started running at him with the knife. Tim pulled the trigger.

It didn’t work, it was stuck. Tim pulled it frantically, it still didn’t work and he was beginning to panic. Alex tackled him to the ground, causing him to drop the gun to the floor. He pinned Tim down, holding the knife in one hand and pinning Tim’s wrist with the other. With his free hand, Tim gripped Alex’s wrist, thoroughly preventing him from being stabbed to death. Alex swore under his breath and paused before using his other hand to strike Tim in the face with his fist.

White-hot pain streaked across his face, each strike causing his vision to blur. Tim shut his eyes, his grip on Alex’s hand with the knife was getting weaker. The tang of blood was on his tongue was making him gag. The Operator materialized behind Alex, and they were teleported again, the static was giving him a migraine.

Tim’s body hit the ground again like a ragdoll and his head was spinning. He appeared to be back at the deserted mental ward, and Alex was nowhere in sight. He looked over to see his knife on the ground, and he grabbed it tightly. The knife was now covered in Alex’s blood, and it was smearing onto Tim’s hand. He checked his camera to make sure it wasn't damaged and that it was still recording, everything seemed to be in check.

He got up shakily, recognizing that he wasn't going to be able to fight much longer in this condition. The bitter-tasting liquid was filling his mouth and he began to spit it onto the ground. He coughed up more blood onto the dusty floor, his chest ached and his throat burned. He limped towards the doorframe of the room, peeking outwards into the hallway. The hallway appeared to be half outside, it appeared to be some ruins of a courtyard of some kind. There were many doors leading to other halls and rooms, and Alex could be in any of them.

”Alex? It doesn't have to be like this.” Tim warned, his voice was hoarse and every word scorched his throat. He started to walk down the hallway, trying to detect any sign of life.

”It’s not protecting you, it's controlling you!” Tim proclaimed, there was a ringing in his ears that wouldn't leave. He could hear birds chirping nearby, he wished he could be one of those birds and not trapped in this hell. He could feel their presence, not sure if it was Alex or The Operator’s.

”We can fight it together! I know what it’s like... I can help you!!” Tim pleaded desperately, his breathing was becoming labored and he was whipping the knife around wildly as he sauntered down the hallway.

”I've had to live with this my entire life, but I learned how to block it out, I can show you how!” Tim was practically begging at this point, his voice was starting to break and he was shaking. Then, a bizarre emotion flooded through him, making him grit his teeth and tightened his grasp on the dull blade.

” _If you kill me, then what's going to happen, huh? What's going to happen to you then? _” Tim taunted, his tone was cynical and each word was laced in venom. He smirked maniacally at himself, he felt nothing but hate towards Alex and Tim wanted to hurt him.__

__”You’ll just be a shell of a person, just like Brian!-”_ _

__Tim could barely get the words out before Alex exploded from the doorway Tim was passing, tackling him to the floor. The Operator was seemed to enjoy teleporting them around, and it was beginning to piss Tim off. They were beginning to transport once again as Alex spoke._ _

__” I know exactly what happened to Brian.” Alex stated in a monotone voice, seemingly knowing where the Operator was transporting them. Tim’s body fell to the floor, all of the teleporting was making him nauseous. His nausea increased violently as his stomach dropped when he saw Brian’s body lying across from him._ _

__Tim’s breathing was coming in short gasps and he felt like his chest was going to explode. Brian was slumped forward, his face was expressionless and his eyes were closed. Alex was standing next to Brian's body, starting at Tim’s face, waiting for his reaction. Once he got what he was looking for, he crouched next to Brian’s lifeless body._ _

__”You killed him, and he died here slowly because of _you._ ” Alex reprimanded, reaching his hand out to grab Brian’s head by his hair. He yanked his former friend’s body upward by his hair and turned Brian’s head towards where Tim was sitting in horror. Alex’s gaze fixated on Brian for a second before he pushed Brian’s body to the floor, it sprawling over in the other direction. Alex stood up and turned towards Tim again, grinning widely, the static in the room increasing once again as they were ported again._ _

__”How’s it feel to do that to one of your _friends _, Tim?” Alex asked, his gaze was as sharp as a knife.___ _

____**” NO!”** Tim shrieked as the distortion swallowed the room, the yell he let out had grated his voice roughly and tears were filling his eyes._ _ _ _

____Tim knew where he was, Alex was nowhere to be seen. He choked out a whimper of horror, it was the room where Jay perished. He began to cough and sob, wishing that it had been him instead of Jay that got shot here. It wasn't the right time to mourn, and Tim knew this. He stood up and began to limp out of the room, his head was pounding._ _ _ _

____Tim began to cough suddenly, and fatigue hit him intensely so he fell to the ground. He looked up to see that The Operator appeared from across the hall, and Tim nearly screamed. He fumbled with his pockets, pulling out a pill bottle and pouring some tablets into his palm. He dry swallows three of them, nearly gagging on each._ _ _ _

____He got up again, his vision spun and he nearly passed out. He steadied himself on the door frame, accidentally dropping the empty pill bottles on the floor. Tim could hear something in the distance, far away enough and in the background that he couldn't tell if they were just hallucinations or not. They were voices, whispering to each other, but they were unintelligible and he couldn't understand a word they said. He ignored them, knowing that they were probably The Operator trying to distract him._ _ _ _

____”What makes you think I'm the only source? There could be hundreds, _thousands!_ ” Tim shouted, knowing that Alex could hear him and wasn't listening to him._ _ _ _

____”You could be spreading it too! It's just using you to get what it wants!” Tim yelled out, his voice was breaking and his heart was pounding wildly. The distortion increased in the room as Tim was teleported again, except this time, Tim didn't move from the spot he was standing. He was being teleported randomly, to Benedict Hall, Rosswood, the tunnel, the shack, and the hospital. His head was spinning and he was getting motion sickness._ _ _ _

____”I’ve done everything to keep this under control. Everyone is dead. Sarah, Seth, Jessica, Amy, Brian, Jay, and now _you!_ ” Alex’s voice flickered behind him as Tim was transported randomly to glitchy versions of Rosewood park, and then finally stopping to Benedict Hall, where Alex was standing in front of him._ _ _ _

____Alex pinned him to the wall, his hand was clasped around Tim’s throat. Tim couldn't breathe, and the more he struggled the more Alex tightened his grip. Tears were filling his eyes and he was digging his fingernails into Alex’s wrists with his free hand, the other was still tightly wrapped around his camera. Alex’s breath was hot on his face and his vision was blurring._ _ _ _

____”You aren't controlling it; you're just feeding it.” Tim choked out, Alex tightened his grip every time a word left Tim’s lips._ _ _ _

____**”SHUT UP!!”** Alex shouted, digging his fingernails into Tim’s neck. Alex gritted his teeth and the look in his eyes was ineffable. Tim almost chuckled to himself in the weird haze that a lack of oxygen put him in, making Alex upset was amusing even if Tim was on the verge of passing out._ _ _ _

____”W-When you killed Amy, d-did you feel like you were in control then?” Tim murmured, his voice was becoming inaudible and he could feel blood vessels popping in his throat and from behind his eyes. He could see the exact moment of Alex processing what Tim said, his eyes widening in horror and his grip loosening. Tim used to this advantage, and he managed to thrust Alex to the ground._ _ _ _

____Tim didn’t feel in control of anything anymore, every plea he shouted at Alex was ignored. Alex was surrounded by a wall of his own goddamn ego and the belief that what he was doing was right and the only solution. What Alex had done could never be undone, and Tim knew this, but getting Alex on his side was better than being alone. He knew that this wasn’t Alex’s fault either, The Operator manipulated him into believing that its presence was some sort of incurable plague and the only way to terminate it was to eliminate those who were infected. His throat ached and he could feel the blood rushing back into his head._ _ _ _

____Tim knew that Alex would not hesitate to eradicate him so he didn’t have a choice. It was either Alex or Tim that would come out of this alive, and he did not want to give Alex the satisfaction of stopping this so-called disease. It’s not like Alex would live much longer after killing him, he knew that Alex planned on killing himself after everyone else was dead, so it didn’t matter._ _ _ _

______ _ _

______ _ _

Tim didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to kill Alex, but his brain was two conflicting personalities and he couldn’t make himself act on either. His brain was running at hundreds of miles per hour and was getting pumped with adrenaline so he couldn’t exactly think straight. Nothing felt real, in a way, he felt like he was floating away and watching what he was doing from a distance. 

______

___ _

___ _

___ _

___It felt like minutes had gone by when he had paused to think about his next action, but it probably hadn’t been longer than ten seconds. Alex was beginning to struggle beneath him, trying to grasp for his pistol, which had been tossed to a corner of the room when Tim had slammed into him. Impulsively, Tim dug the knife that he held tightly in his hand into Alex’s upper arm to keep him from squirming so much. It wasn’t a lethal blow by any means, but it probably still hurt like hell._ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

With his other hand, he slammed Alex’s head onto the floor, a sickening cracking noise came from this action, signifying that Alex’s nose had most likely broken. Alex screamed, it grated Tim’s ears and it made him want to rip his hair out. 

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

The scream caused him to loosen his grip and Alex used this to his advantage to slam his fist into Tim’s ankle. The leg that Alex had struck was the one that Tim was using for leverage and was bent on the floor and the other was in the middle of Alex’s back. The blow caused Tim to lose balance and he fell on top of Alex.

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

Alex scrambled up from under Tim and he reached behind his head to yank out the knife that was lodged in his arm. Alex threw the bloodied knife onto the floor and made a dash to where his gun was. Tim sat up from the floor and grasped for his knife, but it was too late. Tim was staring into the barrel of Alex’s gun. Alex’s other hand was pressed against where Tim had stabbed him on his arm, occasionally lifting that hand to wipe the blood from his broken nose. Alex stared into Tim’s eyes with a blank expression on his face. Tim slumped back towards the ground on his knees, knowing what was about to happen. 

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

Tim squeezed his eyes shut as he prepared for the bullet to be fired into his skull. Alex has gotten him onto his knees, pointing the gun point-blank at Tim’s forehead. This was it, years of running away from eldritch abominations and old friends with guns, it was all over. In a way, Tim was content with this, after all, he’d lost everything that was worth living for, due to Alex and The Operator. Jay, Brian, Sarah, Seth, his house, his memories, his sanity, and even Alex, at least the one he used to know. The only thing he had left was Jessica, but Tim did not want to interfere with her life anymore. His fate was sealed by the time he’d joined in on helping Alex on Marble Hornets with Brian. 

_____ _

______ _ _

___...._ _ _

______ _ _

_____ _

It had felt like an entire minute had gone by while he was waiting for the shot to ring out. In reality, it was an infinitesimal pause of Alex staring down at the gun, his facial expression twisting into a look of confusion which turned into utter despair. Tim opened his eyes to glance up at Alex, puzzled on why he hadn’t ended Tim’s life already. Alex lowered the gun and placed it into his back pocket, his arm shaking. Alex’s dark eyes widened as he stared down at the battered man that sat in front of him. Alex stared down at his hands, still not uttering a word, his face turning a ghostly white. 

_____ _

______ _ _

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _ _

___ _

___ _

___ _

___596F75206172652064656C7573696F6E616C2E20537475636B20696E206120647265616D20776865726520796F752061726520746865206865726F2C20736176696E672065766572796F6E652E20596F7520617265206E6F742061206865726F2E20596F75206172652061206D6F6E737465722E20_ _ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _

______ _ _

_____ _


	2. The Dead Waltz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex had choose his fate, and he was going to seal it once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs for  
> -suicide attempt  
> -gun violence

He felt like a switch in his brain had been flipped. All of his limbs felt like they were asleep and his shoulder and nose hurt like hell. His head was hurting right behind his eyes, and he couldn’t get his eyes to focus on anything so everything was blurry. Oh right, he didn’t have his glasses. He wiped the blood from his nose and looked down at Tim, whose eyes were squeezed shut and his entire body was shaking. The humid weather was making Alex’s clothes stick uncomfortably to his skin, combined with the fact he was also sweating profusely and covered in his own blood.

He looked down at the gun in his hand. He was supposed to get rid of Tim Wright and then himself, right? Right? No more people were going to be hurt from the Operator any more, in fact, Alex could feel it’s presence right this second. All he had to do was to pull the trigger. 

~~”What have you done?”~~

Any minute now…

~~“You are a monster, a selfish coward who was too full of himself to realize that you were wrong.”~~

Just gotta...pull the trigger...

~~“You killed everyone for no reason.”~~

…

~~“Tim has been dealing with this for years and you succumbed to the Operator within a couple of months. You are weak and everyone will be happy that you’re dead, even Amy won’t miss you.”~~

………

~~“Tim wasn’t the source, **YOU WERE.**~~ ~~_The Operator isn’t a disease, it’s a being that works on its own will and it manipulated you into doing its dirty work.”_~~

........................

Fuck.

Alex choked on his words as he attempted to speak, but nothing came out. He lowers the gun, placing it into his back pocket. He stared down at his hands, both of them were covered in his own sweat and blood. The intruding thoughts in the back of his mind telling him that what he was doing was wrong we’re starting to get to him. He didn’t want to admit or believe it, but he was wrong. 

Alex Kralie was _so_ fucking wrong. 

Tim had now opened his eyes and was staring up in contempt and confusion. Alex realized how _tired_ Tim looked, there were dark bags under his eyes and he clearly hadn’t shaved in weeks. His state had clearly worsened ever since Alex had shot Jay, and it was completely understandable why. 

Alex’s panic and guilt were skyrocketing, and he was starting to shake and hyperventilate. 

_“Tim, I-I, w-what the fuck did I do?”_ Alex choked out, his throat felt like it was swelling. He wanted to scream, tear out his hair, set himself on fire, blow his brains out- **ANYTHING TO MAKE THIS STOP-**

Tim was staring up at him, the gears in his head were turning and he looked like he was trying to think of something to say. 

He didn’t have anyone left, Tim hated his guts and would never forgive him for what he had done, he had killed most of his other friends and he hadn’t talked to his family in over five years. No one. No one would ever miss or remember Alex Kralie. He was a dead man walking, and Alex knew that he was the one that would seal his own fate. 

“Alex, _please_ listen to me-“ Tim started.

 _“No, Tim, you listen to me.”_ Alex retorted, interrupting Tim in a terrifyingly quiet and stern voice. Alex narrowed his eyes and took a shaky breath, wishing that Tim had stabbed him in the neck and not the shoulder. He wrapped his hand around the handle of the pistol, tightly gripping it like it would disappear if he let go of it. 

“Alex, please _put down the gun.”_ Tim pleaded, his voice was shaking as he had stood up, he was holding his arms up as some kind of sign that he wasn’t going to listen to him. Alex didn’t listen to him, Tim wasn’t his concern anymore. In fact, he was doing Tim a favor, avenging Jay, Brian, and the others. Tim should be grateful that he was doing this, at least Tim didn’t have to worry about being shot anymore. 

“S-shut the fuck up.” Alex stuttered as he raised the gun to his side. He was revolting, he wasn’t even human anymore, just a tool that was used to murder the only people he had. He could feel The Operator’s presence growing stronger, and it didn’t seem very happy. It didn’t matter how that faceless fuck felt anymore, fuck that. 

Alex pressed the barrel of his gun to his temple, digging the cold metal into his flesh as he stared down Tim. This was his fate and he had sealed it. 

  


Tim acted on the first thought that crossed his mind, so he threw the knife at Alex’s hand, hoping that this would change the trajectory of the bullet. It wasn’t going to work, it was an impulsive decision and Alex was a dead man. 

_Except it did work._

Alex was a second away from pulling the trigger when the knife collided with his hand. The angle where Alex had shot had been thrown away from his head and was now pointed at the ceiling, the bullet missing his skull by a centimeter and grazing past his cheek and forehead.

Tim didn’t think he’d ever sprinted that fast in his life as he tackled Alex to the ground. He wrestled the gun from him and threw it out the broken window, Alex yelped as the gun was taken from him, he was in shock from the gunshot and his eyes were wide like he’d seen a ghost. For the first time in forever, Tim felt genuine sympathy for Alex and he....wanted to help him. Alex curled up into himself, cradling his face into his bloodied hands as he began to sob. 

“Alex..I can help you.” Tim murmured, trying not to upset Alex any further. He seemed to curl into himself even more, refusing to look in Tim’s direction.

“B-but why? Why haven’t you killed me already? I’m a fucking monster and I fucking killed all of our friends.” Alex whimpered into his hands, his breath hitching as the words left his lips. 

Tim didn’t respond to his question as he tried to get Alex to sit up, he flinched as Tim pulled him up. Alex went silent when Tim took off his flannel and used the sleeve to wipe off Alex’s grazed cheek, causing Alex to flinch again. Tim then proceeded to tie the flannel around Alex’s underarm and shoulder to stop the bleeding on his stab wound. Alex groaned in pain and gritted his teeth, digging his fingernails into his arms.

“C’mon, let's get out of here.” Tim declared, attempting to pull Alex to his feet. Alex leaned his weight into Tim, wrapping his arm around Tim’s shoulders. Alex was exhausted and he barely had enough energy to walk. 

The sun was no longer peering through the cracks of the windows and it had been replaced by a somber grey.The comfortable silence earlier in the afternoon had disappeared, it had begun to rain and the rattling of the rain hitting the roof made it clear that it was going to be a heavy squall. Tim saw lightning flash in the sky, he wanted to hurry so they wouldn’t get caught up in the storm. He needed to take Alex to the hospital, for his mental and physical health, considering he did just try to commit suicide and was still mentally unstable. 

_“It’s going to be alright, everything is going to be fine.”_ Tim said to himself, Alex seemed barely conscious and only responded with a noncommittal noise. Tim expected something to happen here today, and this definitely was not what he was expecting. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Did you hear that?” A young man piped up amongst the small group of stoned college kids. All of them went silent from their incoherent banter to listen intently. They came to the abandoned building near their school to smoke and fool around without getting heckled by the police and college staff. 

“Dude, you’re fucking stoned, you probably are just hearing things.” His friend reassured him as he punched him in the shoulder. All of his other friends laughed as he frowned at them. 

“I was being serious, you assholes, it sounded like someone yelling.” he argued, trying to make out any other noises upstairs. All of the other kids went silent to listen to what their friend had heard, interested in whatever this dude had heard. A loud noise echoed throughout the entire building, silencing all of the kids in the group as they stared at each other in shock. The ear -piercing noise was followed by a faint scream. he building went completely quiet, occasionally interrupted by the sound of falling rain and thunder. 

_“Did-did you guys hear that too?”_ One of them said quietly, breaking the seemingly never-ending silence. They looked around at the other college-aged kids for a response, thinking the worst. 

“Uhh, yeah..it kinda sounded like, um, a _gunshot?”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was pouring, the rain and thunder were muffling every other sound in the building. It was now past afternoon and it was now slowly getting darker outside. Getting Alex out of here was going to be no easy task, the fact that he was barely conscious and nearly falling over at every step was not helping. Another problem was that Alex had fired the gun if there had been anyone else in the building, they most likely heard it. 

Each step down the stairs seemed to increase the anxiety and nausea that was boiling in Tim’s stomach. He heard voices and he couldn’t tell if it was his exhausted brain making them up or if they were real. This encourages him to go faster, he did not have the patience to talk to anyone right now and he just wanted to leave this place. Alex was having a hard time keeping up, his legs were shaking and he stumbled every couple of steps. 

“Hey uh, maybe we should stop and rest for a bit?” Tim suggested, half dragging Alex into a hallway at the bottom of the staircase into another room. Alex mumbled something that Tim couldn’t hear in response. It looked like some kind of storage room, it was full of random filing cabinets and shelves. Alex nearly collapsed in the corner of the room, lying curled up on the floor with his head cradled in his arm. 

“Hey Tim, do you know what day it is..?” 

“...June 14, why?” 

“I haven’t been keeping track of time- I don’t think.”

Tim sat down on the other side of the room, closing his eyes to rest for a minute. Tim didn’t exactly trust Alex so going to sleep would be a bad idea, and Tim did not want Alex to try and murder him in his sleep. He opened his eyes and looked over to Alex, who appeared to be asleep and almost looked peaceful. Tim knew that they needed to get moving again soon, they could sleep later, but getting to a hospital was a lot more important right now. 

The rain was rhythmic, a solemn reminder of things that Tim didn’t want to think about. It made him think about him being a kid in the rain, running from monsters in the woods. It made him think of Jay, who told him how much he loved the rain and how it helped him get through the night. It made him think-

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud crack of thunder, he jumped out of his haze and sat up. The floor was freezing and it felt like the cold was seeping into his bones. He shakily got up to his feet and wiped his face, there were tears welling up in his eyes and he gritted his teeth. 

“C'mon Alex, we need to leave.” Tim urged, nudging Alex’s shoulder. Alex groaned in reluctance, but he eventually stood up and they continued on. Tim was on edge and wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. It reminded him of Jay and he couldn’t stand it. He knew they were almost to the main exit and he was beginning to quicken his pace. They were sprinting by the time they reached the entrance, Alex was having trouble breathing and could barely keep his pace with Tim’s. 

There were people outside when they finally dashed out of the building, he was sure that they were students. Tim avoided eye contact with any of them as he pulled Alex in the direction of his car. Tim felt them staring and Alex nearly collapsed again when they reached his car. It was still pouring rain so they were soaked by the time Tim was rummaging around in his pockets for his car keys. Tim unlocked the car and they got in, Alex was silent and was shivering as he climbed inside. 

Tim looked at Alex, he was shivering and he looked...terrible. The inside car lights were on and now Tim could have a good look at him. He had obviously not showered, slept, or shaved in weeks, his face was still flaked in dry blood and his skin was a ghostly white. His lips were cracked and bleeding and his fingernails with yellowed and had been chewed on to the point of bleeding. Alex’s eyes were red from crying and his arms were covered in scars, and there was a lot more than Tim remembered. Some were a lot deeper and more recent than the others, dark and pink with picked scabs around them. 

Tim paused and then looked around in the backseat of his car, rummaging around for a blanket and a bottle of water. Alex was slumped against the window, staring absentmindedly outside as the rain continued to pour. He barely reacted when Tim tried to cover him in the blanket and hand him the water. He took it reluctantly and drank some of it, not making eye contact with Tim.

“Why are you doing this. Why are you helping me?” Alex murmured, still avoiding looking into his eyes. Tim tried to read Alex’s expression, but it was indecipherable. Tim turned the ignition on, the radio beginning to hum static. 

“It’s better than being alone, isn’t it? I know you’ve been alone for a long time, Alex.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ZGlkIHlvdSBub3QgaGVhciB0aGUgdGh1bXAgdXBzdGFpcnMuIGhlIGlzIHJvdHRpbmcuIGJsZWVkaW5nIG91dC4gdG9vIGxhdGUuIAo=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting the second chapter so suddenly I wanna get these out so I can work on the other chapters as soon as possible.


	3. Don’t Leave Me Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”So, what you're saying is, you heard a gunshot. Then y'all investigated upstairs, instead of calling the police, and you found the critically injured victim there?” a man holding a small notepad repeated, tapping the pen on the table impatiently. 
> 
> ”Y-yeah, I was hanging out with my friends, and we heard a really loud noise, a gunshot, yeah! Then we heard some voices and footsteps of people leaving the building, and then we heard this, really weird noise from upstairs. It kinda sounded like, the noises a tv makes when it has no signal, static?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit late, sorry bout that!! Hope y’all like this chapter :3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The group of irresponsible college kids sat silently in the insignificant room in Benedict Hall. All noises in the building had ceased, but an unnatural sensation had permeated throughout the entire building. It felt fuzzy and artificial, almost like the static from an ancient TV had infiltrated the air. Of course, all of the teens were in varying levels of either being intoxicated or stoned so it could've been that, but this was different. It didn't make sense that all of them were feeling for the exact same sensation at the same time, especially since some of them were soberer than others. 

“Hey..maybe we should call an ambulance or the police?” one of them announced, looking around at the other teens expectantly. The others hesitated, not wanting to get in trouble from the police for trespassing in an abandoned building to smoke. However, this was serious, a person could be hurt or dead so it didn't matter if they got in trouble. 

One of the nervous boys took out his phone and began to dial 911. He stopped as another noise silenced them, it was footsteps, no, two pairs of footsteps. They disappeared as soon as they started, the owners of the sudden noise were in a hurry to leave apparently. The silence after the fact was replaced by an ear-splitting scraping noise from the floor above them. 

“Maybe we should go see what that noise was?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moment Alex pulled the trigger, Jay knew that he was going to die by the hands of his old best friend. It's not like he didn't expect it, in fact, he knew that Alex wanted him dead the moment he pointed that gun at him and Jessica. Alex was tight-lipped when he shot his former friend, there was no hint of remorse on his face. It's not like Alex was going to listen to him anyway, he was inexorable. 

Jay dashed into the room to his right, shoving the door closed behind him. The bullet wound causes a white-hot pain to spread throughout his abdomen. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he was beginning to gasp for air. He slumped backward on the wall, choking and coughing on his own blood. He held his hand tightly against the wound, blood still pooling around his fingers. 

Alex started to pound against the door, still not uttering a word. Jay fumbled with his camera, his bloodied hand smearing blood onto the floor. He was going to die here, alone. There was Tim, but it's not like he was going to come back for him. Tim was in a different building by now, probably still thinking that Jay was still tied up in his house. Jay had been such a dick to him, and now, he couldn't even say sorry.

_“Open the door, Jay.”_

He began to sob between his coughs, it was his fault he was going to die because of his selfish pursuit of knowledge of something he didn't understand. He didn't want to disappear, he didn't want-

Another bang of Alex slamming the door ripped him from his racing thoughts. Static was buzzing in his ears and he knew the Operator was going to take him. It manifested before him like it had read his thoughts. It was in the corner, tilting its head like it was interested in Jay’s expression. 

Jay whimpered in fear at the sight of it, knowing that it was going to take him like it did to the others. The static in the room was accumulating around them, Jay felt like his eardrums were going to burst. 

Everything went to disarray, all Jay would see was bright colors and neon lights. It was teleporting around places, sometimes to Rosswood and other similar locations. The camera wasn't in his hands anymore and it was making him panic. His vision was dimming and he felt lightheaded, the only thing he could think about right now was Alex. 

Alex.

It was dark and he couldn't breathe. His lungs full of his own blood, he would choke it out whenever he would cough. Everything ached, the spot where his hand was clamped over had gone numb. He was lying on his back, the Operator had stopped its torment on Jay and was now gone. He appeared to be in Benedict Hall again, albeit in a different area. 

Jay flinched as he heard another gunshot from the floor above him. Who the hell was that? Was that Alex? Who was he shooting at? Tim?

Jay closed his eyes and tried to think, the numbness in his abdomen was growing and he didn't have a lot of time.  
Blood was pooling around his fingers and staining through his shirt onto the floor. His vision was clouding and shifting in and out of focus. He was shaking and it felt like all of the heat was being sucked out of his body. 

He couldn't see, but he could hear voices. They were frantic and were speaking back and forth with each other. Jay could make out a few of the words, specifically something about the police. 

A harsh pressure had been pushed into his abdomen, and Jay shuddered and tried to cry out, but he was too fatigued to scream. Instead, a strangled groan escaped his lips, blood was accumulating at the back of his throat. He didn't have the energy to cough it up so it just dribbled down his chin, his eyes were dropping downward and he just wanted to sleep. 

He deliriously gripped the wrists of the person who was putting pressure on his would, smearing his blood on their arms. 

He didn’t want to die.

”P-please I-I, I'm so sorry, T-Tim, he-he-he didn't deserve this, please d-don't let me disappear.” Jay mumbled incoherently, the group of concerned strangers could barely understand what he was trying to convey but tried to console him anyway. 

”An ambulance is on the way, okay? Everything is going to be okay.”

The soothing voice belonging to one of the people surrounding him was the last thing he heard before white noise filled his ears and everything went black. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

”So, what you're saying is, you heard a gunshot. Then y'all investigated upstairs, instead of calling the police _like you should’ve_ , and you found the victim there?” a man holding a small notepad repeated, tapping the pen on the table impatiently. 

“Well, y-yeah, I was hanging out with my friends, and we heard a really loud noise, a gunshot, yeah! Then we heard some voices and footsteps of people leaving the building, and then we heard this, really weird noise from upstairs. It kinda sounded like, the noises a tv makes when it has no signal, static? It was really, um, unnerving and-

”Okay, I think I understand the story already, kiddo. The only things that interest me right now are the people you heard leaving the building, and the names of the people the victim was saying.” the detective huffed irritability, darting his eyes around the cramped interrogation room. The nervous teen shifted uncomfortably in his seat, starting to chew his fingernails. 

“Uhh, I kinda remember seeing people leaving the building but I don’t remember anything specific about them, but the names the guy was saying I do remember. He said, uh, some dude named Tim and another guy Alex and then he started going on and on about some chick named Jessica? Also, do you know if the dude is okay? My friends were wondering.” the kid rambled breathlessly, looking up at the detective with a concerned expression.

”He’s still in a pretty bad condition, but at least he's more stable than how he was earlier. Nearly bleed out, if you guys found him any later than you did, he probably would've died.”

“Oh...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 8muut+A$VsDJsV(BOu3q+CT/5$>aWuB4Z*9+@p&dBlaVlBleB7Ecbl'/d_q[ATV?tDfTf1Ble,D$3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading :33!!
> 
> This chapter is slightly confusing to follow so I’ll just put the timeline of events in this fic so far
> 
> -Jay gets shot and is taken by The Operator  
> -(just the events that happen in canon in between Jay getting shot and Tim and Alex fighting)  
> -Tim and Alex fight, Alex tried to commit suicide with the gun(that is the second gunshot that Jay hears and the gunshot the college kids heard)
> 
> -Jay is teleported back to Benedict Hall, barely conscious
> 
> -Tim and Alex leave Benedict Hall
> 
> -the college kids find Jay and call an ambulance, a police investigation starts


	4. Dead Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He was going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!! I’ve been distracted with other stuff lately

Tim gripped the steering wheel tightly, occasionally glancing at the man in the passenger seat. Alex was nestled up in a ball with the blanket that he’d given him. Not exactly asleep, but not exactly awake either. They were getting close to the hospital, Tim took a deep breath as he gazed back at Alex. Tim wanted to say something, but he silenced himself by chewing on the skin on his lip.

Consequently, both of them were bloodied and bruised to all hell, so they were going to stand out. Thinking up excuses for what happened was going to be complicated, the bruises encircling Tim’s throat and the stab wound on Alex’s shoulder wasn't helping their case at all. The situation of Tim trying to prevent Alex from shooting himself was plausible, but the extremities of the wounds were questionable. 

”We’re almost there, Alex, so you should start waking up.” He announced, Alex made a noncommittal noise in acknowledgment. Tim felt apprehensive, and he couldn't quite understand why. He glanced over to Alex again, who had now sat up and was drowsily staring out of the car window. A shiver ran down his spine when he remembered why he was feeling so nervous, he squeezed the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. 

_The gun._

It was still somewhere in Benedict Hall because Tim had fucking chucked it out the window. Someone could've heard the gunshots so it wasn't out of the question for them to call the cops. They would be in deeper trouble if they found the gun and their blood in the building. Fuck. Tim figured he could return to the building after he dropped Alex off, hopefully, no one finding the gun before then. 

He pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, checking the time on his phone. It was around 4 pm, and the thunderstorm hadn't let up at all. He sighed and turned towards Alex, gently nudging his shoulder.

”Alex, c’mon, we're here.” Tim said softly, Alex opening his eyes to glare at him. 

”Are you actually making me stay in a psych ward again?” Alex retorted coolly, Tim was startled by his response. 

Again? Alex had never told Tim or any of the others that he had been inpatient before. At least to his knowledge, his memory was poor as shit after all. 

”You've been to a psych ward before?” Tim inquired, raising an eyebrow. Alex’s expression turned into a scowl, regretting that he brought it up at all.

”Yeah, it's not important so don't mention it.” Alex snapped impatiently. Tim shrugged and opened the car door, stepping out into the pouring rain. 

\------------------------------------------- 

He pulled the car door gradually, internally enjoying how impatient Tim was getting. The downpour hadn't wavered at all, and both of them were getting soaked. Alex appreciated the rain, it felt nice and was almost soothing 

Tim asking him about his past ward visits had brought him back into the reality of his situation. Alex just attempted suicide, and it wasn't like it was the first time either. It was understandable that no one knew about it since his last hospitalization was in his senior year of high school. Once he went to college, he cut off contact with his parents and anyone who knew him in school. Alex couldn't bear with the knowledge of people still knowing him as that crazy kid who never came to school and had no friends. Then again, he shouldn't be acting like he was the only mentally ill individual here since Tim has been hospitalized for the majority of his life.

The next half hour was a haze, Tim was speaking to the disgruntled nurse at the front desk and was trying to explain some made-up a story about what happened. It was some bullshit tale about how they were fighting because Alex was trying to commit suicide and Tim was trying to stop him. At some point Alex stopped listening, his head was starting to ring and his temples were pulsing in pain. He definitely had a concussion and he felt like he was going to throw up. 

People in the waiting room were beginning to stare at him, he stuck out like a sore thumb. He was smeared in blood and dirt, he hasn't showered in weeks, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had slept for more than an hour. He fidgeted nervously in his seat, picking at various scabs on his hands and arms. He lifted Tim’s flannel up from where it was still tied around the laceration on his shoulder. It was wide and deeper than he had originally thought, blood was still pouring out and slowly feathering out through the fabric of his shirt. He was going to need stitches and pressing Tim’s now blood-soaked flannel against it wasn't helping. 

His head felt weighted down by some unknown force and he was beginning to shiver. It was cold, and it felt like all of the heat in his body was seeping into the floor. Alex’s adrenaline and shock were wearing off and he was getting light-headed. His heart was beating rapidly and the shivers that were wracking his body had been replaced by violent shakes. Tim was standing in front of him, his back still turned as he talked to the nurse with his bullshit stories. He tried to speak or at least try to move, but he was frozen in place. Alex attempted to scream, cry or any other way to get someone’s attention. 

_”What’s happening to me? Am I dying?”_

Everyone was blurring into incoherent shapes. People were surrounding him and asking him things he couldn’t even hear. Something in the back of his skull was buzzing and it felt like it was drilling into his skull. Someone had grabbed him by the shoulders and was shaking him, trying to get his attention. 

He could barely think clearly, but he could move his body at all. The shivering had turned into uncontrollable tremors and his teeth were chattering. A harrowing realization hit Alex right in the gut as he sat there like an oblivious dumbass. 

_He was having a seizure._

~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~

_He’d seen Tim have one before and he was usually fine after he took his pills, right? He was going to be okay. Everything is going to be fine. Right?_

At some point, he tried to get up, but he fell onto the floor. People were yelling now and his ears felt like they were filled with water. The side of his face was on fire and his eyes were welling up. The cheap carpeting had skinned his cheek when he fell and it burned painfully. Drool and tears were dripping down his face and his eyes were rolling back into his head. Everything was too bright. He was getting tired and he just wanted to sleep. He heard Tim screaming something at him, but he couldn't hear it. 

He wished he could be back in his bed, with Amy in his arms and Rocky curled up comfortably at the end of the mattress. Everything is warm and happy and fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NBXXOIDJOMQHI2DFEBYGC5DJMVXHIIDEN53W4IDUNBSSA2DBNRWCAYLOMQQHI3ZAORUGKIDMMVTHIIDEN5UW4ZZOEBGGKYLWMUQHS33VOIQHE33PNUQGC3TEEBRW63LFEBQW4ZBAONSWKIDUNBSSAZDBNVQWOZJAPFXXKIDIMF3GKIDEN5XGKLRALFXXKIDNMF4SA43FMUQGCIDGMFWWS3DJMFZCAZTBMNSS4ICSMVTWC4TEOMXA====

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short but I hope you liked it!!


	5. In the Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing had changed.
> 
> In a way, he wanted to see another tweet from totheark or Jay. Anything was better than an eerie silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for:  
> -mentions of vomiting  
> -mentions of hospitals  
> -suicidal ideation
> 
> This chapter was kinda short sorry about that.

Tim had left the hospital as soon as he learned that Alex’s condition was stable. He had tried to explain to the nurse what happened as vaguely as possible. Alex was in the least terms of being a danger to himself and others, but Tim didn’t explain it was because of an eldritch abomination that had been stalking him for nearly a decade now. He had been sitting in the hospital parking lot for nearly ten minutes, trying to figure out his next action.

Alex suddenly having a seizure in the waiting room wasn't exactly what Tim had been planning for, but he shouldn't be too shocked that something like that would happen. 

Tim was exhausted, he had nodded off twice on the steering wheel and was prepared to call it a day and pass out in his car. He knew that he’d have to Alex again, surely he’d want to have some of his clothes while staying at a goddamned psych ward. 

_He’s probably been wearing the same pair of clothes for weeks now, dumbass._

Tim sighed and leaned his head on the car window, cradling his face with his palm. It was only around 6 p.m., and the cloudy sky was slowly growing darker. He was still processing everything that had happened today, and he couldn't help but feel guilty. At least he didn’t have to worry about being murdered in his sleep by a gun-wielding maniac. 

Tim was now effectively homeless and had no stable income. There was Alex’s house, but he was still too unnerved to sleep there any time soon. His brain was flipping through a mental checklist of what he needed to do but he couldn’t find the energy to do anything at all. 

He needed to eat, get his prescription refilled, take a shower, go to a laundromat, get gas, call his insurance to file a claim about his house fucking burning down, find a stable place to live, looking for possible jobs, getting an actual goddamn therapist.

_The gun is still at Benedict Hall, Tim._

His throat ached and hemorrhages were beginning to show up behind his eyes and surrounding his neck. Every time he moved a bolt of pain ran through his bad leg and he was starting to regret not letting someone at the hospital check him out. 

His hands were clammy, and his hair was greasy and flaked in dry blood. Speaking of hair, Tim’s was starting to fall out. He knew it was because of the stress, but it was still alarming to have clumps of hair fall out every time he ran his hands through his hair. 

The most he could do right now was to take a bunch of over the counter painkillers and hope that they work. He attempted to dry swallow some ibuprofen tablets but he ended up gagging and having to open the car door to puke them up on the pavement. 

_You should actually take medicine with water like a normal person, you're destroying your own throat you fucking dumbass._

Tim ignored them.

_I inhabit this body too and I really wish you would stop destroying it. Stop daydreaming about things that don't matter and actually do something useful._

”Shut up.” Tim spat under his breath, attempting to take the painkillers again with water. He pushed the passenger seat down, laying it flat so he actually had a place to sleep. The only things he had to sleep with was a scratchy cotton blanket and a questionably stained pillow that he stole from some hotel he couldn’t recall. He automatically put the driver’s seat down too, knowing that no one was going to be sleeping there. 

_It must feel empty without Jay being here, huh? Too bad he isn't here so you can take advantage of his dumbassery and the sheer fact that he has no self-confidence whatsoever-_

”Be quiet. Please. If you don't have anything useful to say then don't say anything and let me sleep.” Tim squeezed the pillow over his ears, knowing full well that it wasn’t going to make the invasive voice stop. 

So many things were racing through his head, his heart rate speeding up and sweat forming beneath his brow. He wanted to know what Alex was thinking when he pressed that gun against his temple. He wanted to know what would’ve happened if he had pulled the trigger and if Tim was too late to stop it. 

Tim’s body twitches involuntarily as he forced his body to sit back up, rummaging around his mess of a car. He pulled out Jay’s laptop, opening it and logging into Twitter. He couldn’t think of a good way to tell his followers that Alex was in a fucking mental hospital. 

Nothing had changed.

In a way, he wanted to see another tweet from totheark or Jay. Anything was better than an eerie silence. 

He half-heartedly typed, ” I'm okay. Alex is in the hospital. Update soon.” He posted it, too tired to add anything else. 

God, he missed Jay. 

_It's kind of ironic that you miss him so much because you’re the reason that he’s dead, isn’t it?_

He bit his tongue, unable to come up with a clever response because they were _right._

Alex was right too, this was his fault. That didn’t change the fact he genuinely wanted to move on from this. His mental health was in a shithole and he was in a constant loop of blaming himself and others for the things that he couldn’t even control. 

He was starting to get tired again, his eyes drooping every couple of seconds. He was better off sleeping than scouring through this existential nightmare of a situation. 

_Goodnight._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-.-- --- ..- -.. --- -. - ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. ·-·-·- -.-- --- ..- -.. --- -. - --. . - .. - ·-·-·- .-- .... -.-- -.. .. -.. -. - -.-- --- ..- .-.. . - .... .. -- .--. . .-. .. ... .... .-.. .. -.- . - .... . ... -.-. ..- -- .... . .. ... ·-·-·- .... . .. ... ..- -. ..-. .. -..- .- -... .-.. . ·-·-·- .... . .. ... .-.. .. -.- . --. .-.. .- ... ... ·-·-·- ... .... .- - - . .-. . -.. .. -. - --- ..- -. -.-. --- ..- -. - .- -... .-.. . .--. .. . -.-. . ... ·-·-·- .... . .-- .. .-.. .-.. -. . ...- . .-. -... . - .... . .- .-.. . -..- -.-- --- ..- --- -. -.-. . -.- -. . .-- ·-·-·- --. .. ...- . ..- .--. ·-·-·- ..-. .. -. -.. - .... . .- .-. -.- ·-·-·-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t updated this fic in nearly two months I am so sorry


	6. Blood is thicker than water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re nice people but it’s hard to be near them when your misfortunes are like an airborne plague

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for mentions of suicide and self harm, you know, general casual inpatient conversations
> 
> Original Characters do appear in this chapter

Memories. In a place like this, memories come back to you like a disease that never seems to heal. They feel like knives plunging into your throat, or syringes jabbing into your eyes. The kind that makes you wake up screaming and the nurses have to tranquilize you. These recollections were pleasant occasionally, visions of happier times. The delusions of murdering your friends were just a nightmare. These nostalgic fantasies somehow made you wake up sobbing harder than the nightmares. 

As scary as they sound, psych wards are boring. Movies about unhinged insane asylums and psychos wearing straight-jackets make mental hospitals a lot more horrifying than it is in reality. Sitting and waiting for the day you get discharged is like watching paint dry. This and the knowledge that the staff is pumping you with various antidepressants which makes it feel excruciatingly slower. The only exciting things that happen are rare events of other patients freaking out and trying to attack the staff or trying to hurt themselves. Trying to jerk off in your room to make yourself feel like an actual person with a body before the staff comes in to check on you is a common occurrence as well. Things varying from pens, erasers, spiral notebooks, hoodie/sweatpants strings, shoelaces, shaving razors, jewelry, electronics, belts, and metals are some of the things not allowed in the unit. There wasn’t much to do other than play cards with other patients or write in the lined notebooks they gave you. 

Alex sighed and tapped the marker against the desk, his mind blank. His room felt empty. There was a bed, a small desk, a chair, and what appeared to be a closet. All the furniture in his room, excluding the mattress, was made of cheap plastic material. It was unusually heavy and felt like it was full of sand. This makes sense considering the patients who were angry could try to throw the furniture at the staff. 

The day was June 20th, and he had been in the psych ward for about four days now. Tim had called in about twice a day, talking about how he was trying to get a job. He didn’t have a place to live and that was Alex’s fault. Tim was going to come in later tomorrow to visit. Alex wished Tim wouldn't bother and would just leave him here to rot. 

He had already scribbled many of what Jay had called,” Operator pages,” all over his notebook. The marker bled through the pages and the paper warped. The drawings were incomprehensible, random scribbles of symbols and stick figures stained the paper. He’d gotten into the habit of drawing all over his arms in a useless effort to make like his scars weren’t there. The stab wounds on his shoulder and back were healing, slowly and painfully at that. They weren’t deep, but if Tim had taken him to the hospital later the wounds would have grown infected. The doctor in the emergency room had told him the reason why he had a seizure was an acute trauma reaction 

His hands felt clammy and he felt...dirty. The hospital policy required that all patients take showers once per day, and Alex had been achieving that. Yet, it felt as if there was a stain all over his body that wouldn't wash off. _(Amy’s blood-caked under your fingernails, blood-stained into your hair, blood running down your wrists, don't forget, don't forget, don't forget what you have done)_

The group therapist had both advised him that socializing with other patients would be helpful. Unfortunately, he was too wrapped up in a cycle of self-hate and social anxiety to come out. Tim’s words permeated through his heavily medicated indecipherable mental spirals of self-hate.

_“It’s better than being alone, isn’t it? I know you’ve been alone for a long time, Alex.”_

Alex closed the journal and readied himself to go outside. He stepped out of his room cautiously, the nurse at the desk looking up at him for a moment as she read a tabloid magazine. There was a round table near the nurse's desk where three patients sat playing a card game. It was too late to go back to his room. If Alex wanted to socialize with anyone, it was now or never. 

Anxiety crawled up his back like a spider as he sat down at the small table. He was wearing the worn t-shirt and sweatpants that the hospital let him borrow and he suddenly was hyper-aware of his scars and the scribbles he’d drawn on his arms earlier. Regret pierced him right in the abdomen as everyone turned to look at him. He looked down at the floor as his face burned in embarrassment. It went silent for a moment as Alex lifted his face back up to look at them. 

“You’re the new guy, right?” the girl farthest from him piped up. She had a very thick New England accent, but he couldn't pinpoint a specific one. New York? Boston? New Jersey maybe?

Alex nodded slowly, trying to force his nerves to relax. His leg had already begun to bounce involuntarily and it was causing the entire table to shake slightly. The woman who had spoken before reached her hand out to shake his with a welcoming smile. She was _tall_ , and she beat Alex by a few inches in height. She was skinny, pale, and covered in freckles. She was wearing a black tank top with sweatpants that had the strings cut off. The most striking thing about her was her face. She had a lazy eye, and her eyes were colored an icy light blue. Her hair looked like it had been dyed at some point but it had faded to a salmon color and was in a curly bob. She kind of looked like Paprika from the Satoshi Kon film. She reminded him of Jay. 

Alex reached out and shook her hand. Her touch left an insistent tingling feeling in his hand. 

“My name is Alex, by the way.” 

“I’m Dakota. Anyways what did you do to get trapped in this dump?” 

“I tried to shoot myself.”

“Ah shit, that’s ballsy. You’re probably the first guy I’ve met who’s tried to blow his own brains out. Most people here who try to kill themselves trying to overdose or hang themselves to go out painlessly.” 

”It was a spur of the moment type of thing.” 

”All of us are pussies all tried overdosing because anything more extreme would be too painful.” Dakota hummed absentmindedly while simultaneously tipping her head to acknowledge the other two patients at the table. One of them was a smaller black woman and a short Latino kid who couldn’t have been older than twenty. 

“This is Anette and Josh.” 

Anette’s hair was buzzed off and she was wearing a Rancid t-shirt and black yoga pants with slippers. The most significant thing about her was that she was missing her ring and pinky fingers on her left hand. Something about her demeanor was cold but very gentle at the same time. She was shuffling cards and she raised her head to give Alex a friendly nod while her gaze was still pinned to the cards are she shuffled them skillfully. 

Josh was crouched over on the table reading a book, his head resting on the rim of it. The only time he would raise his head is when his name was mentioned or when it was his turn to play in the card game. He had long black hair and had acne scars all over his body, he was short and probably couldn’t have been over 5’5”. He was wearing one of the more ‘fancy’ striped hospital gowns that they give you if you were staying there long term and didn’t have any more clothes to wear. He got a tic occasionally and would stifle it by pressing his fingernail into the palm of his hand. 

It was blackjack, a game that Alex was quite familiar with. He had played blackjack competitively with Brian when they were in college. Dakota offered for him to play cards with them, so he accepted. 

Alex wasn’t the most skilled player in Blackjack since Brian was usually extremely lucky when it came to the cards he got. He remembered both of them playing cards when they were stoned to hell, vaguely remembering Brian slipping and falling on his ass after he won. Jay’s favorite card game was rummy if he was remembering correctly. Recalling memories made his stomach feel like it was full of ice. It made his eyes glaze over and his mouth went dry. 

The table was quiet, neither of the other patients talked much. Dakota made a snide comment every time she busts and Anette would smirk at her. He felt like all of the energy was being sucked into the floor. He had only played a couple of rounds but he was already drained of his energy to be social for the day. 

Alex mumbled something about being tired and sat up to leave. All of them said some variation of ‘goodnight’ as he speed-walked back into the safety of his small isolated room. It was the first time he heard Anette and Josh speak. 

”Make sure and come out so you can play with us later!!” Dakota yelled after him as the nurse at the desk ordered her to quiet down. Alex turned and gave a small wave to them as he shut the door gradually. 

He jumped as a soft knock interrupted his thoughts from behind him. A young woman opened the door to poke her head in. She made eye contact with him and she smiled. 

“Are you Alex? Sorry for not catching you earlier, I’m going to be your therapist for the rest of your stay at the unit. Can we talk in my office?” She said, an insincere simper plastering across her face. He nodded, already deducing that this woman’s attitude was a mere facade. She didn’t care about him or any of the other patients at all. She was average looking, for the most part, the only significant thing about her was her gravelly voice and her long untamed hair. Her eyes were so dark he couldn’t even see her pupils. They were like voids and it made her demeanor seem even faker. 

They walked over to her cramped office, she was attempting to make small talk but Alex gave vague one-worded answers. There were file cabinets organized neatly in concordance, something about the preciseness of it made his skin crawl. 

‘Alright, Mr.Kralie, we have some interesting thing topics to talk about today. My name is Cade.” She sat down at her desk and put her thick-rimmed glasses on as she began to tap keys on her computer. She turned back towards him and her eyes felt like they were burning through him. 

“In your hospital records, it states you’ve been hospitalized about four other times? All of which was when you were in high school, correct?”

“That’s correct.”

“You were hospitalized due to suicide attempts from overdosing. It says here that you diagnosed with depression and bipolar traits, but there is something off...about your records.” 

Cade swallowed and clicked around for something on the computer. 

“...What do you mean?” 

“All of your records stopped in 2006. You stopped coming to sessions, appointments and stopped taking your meds altogether. I called your parents to see if they had any explanation and they told me that they haven’t talked to you in over ten years because you cut contact after you went to college.”

‘“Uh, that’s weird- 

“Alex, you were reported as a missing person in 2009 and the circumstance of you reappearing just makes this situation even more bizarre. Alex, tell me, do you suffer from memory loss?”  
Cade was speaking so fast and it was making his head spin. 

“...I guess.”

“Alright, tell me your parent’s first names.”

“...I don’t remember.”

It’s kind of hard to remember things when the only thing on his mind for the past ten years has been trying to appease some eldritch abomination by murdering his own friends. 

Cade sighed and wrote some things down, mumbling to herself. 

“Your original diagnosis is still there but you appear to be suffering from more unseen disorders.  
Schizophrenic traits, Psychosis, Memory Loss, and Severe Mood Swings, correct? Also, your choice of how you would commit suicide doesn’t match up with your previous attempts. 

“Yeah, that’s right.” 

“Do you have anyone who can look after you when you discharge?”

“A friend, yeah.”

“Do you have any intention to hurt yourself or others in the future?”

“I don’t think I do.”

“What’s this friend’s name?” 

“Tim Wright.”

“Are you going to contact your family anytime soon?”

“I’m not sure because I can’t even remember why I cut contact with them.”

Alex despised these kinds of evaluations. He was exhausted and the questions were beginning to make him anxious. 

“Alright, Alex, I think I’ll let you off the hook for today. I’ve already discussed meds with the doctor here and I have some ideas for your outpatient plan. You’re being enrolled in a program that helps mentally ill adults get jobs and all that fun stuff. Don’t worry about costs because your parents’ insurance is going to cover it.”

“Do you know when my discharge date is going to be?” 

“Not exactly sure, but it’s probably going to be longer than average because of your condition. We want you to be as stable as possible before you leave. Here, I’ll walk you back to the unit”

She stood up and began to guide him back to his room. Cade had dumped so much information into his brain so he could barely reply to her questions. The other patients weren’t sitting at the small table anymore, he figured they had gone to bed for the night. 

“Goodnight, Alex!’ Cade called after him as he closed the door for the second time this night. His fingers felt numb and he was beginning to shake. He frowned and stared at the scabs dressing his arm. He sat down on his bed, wondering if he could ever gather the courage to talk to the other patients again. He was clenching his jaw hard enough to keep himself from breaking down to the point where he was getting a migraine. 

He laid down in the scratchy bed and tried to make himself forget the conversation he just had with Cade. It was the beginning of Summer in goddamn Alabama and he was still shivering. It was freezing and the thin mediocre blankets did nothing to help him. He curled up, wrapping his arms around himself. 

The other patients were nice enough, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. 

Oh, right. 

He’s a murderer. 

The group therapist was wrong. 

He shouldn’t be talking to the other patients or any other people in general. 

Alex couldn’t let something like Marble Hornets happen ever again. Getting close to others was basically setting up their demise. 

Alex Kralie’s presence was a death sentence. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-.. --- -. - / .-.. . - / -.-- --- ..- .-. ... . .-.. ..-. / ... .-.. .. .--. / .- -. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / ..-. .- .-.. .-.. / ..-. --- .-. / .... .. ... / .-.. .. . ... .-.-.- / ..- -. -.. . .-. / .... .. ... / ... -.- .. -. / .-.. .. . ... / .--. . ... - .. .-.. . -. -.-. . / .- -. -.. / .-. --- - .-.-.-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated!!


End file.
